We Must Destroy Ebay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

           I once had a friend who sold his soul for six dollars in 5^th grade…it seemed like a great deal at the time, six dollars for something you didn’t necessarily have to give away. To some however, this would be a deplorable act…to us we were just dumb 5^th graders looking to make six dollars. How do you put a price on your soul? How did we determine that six dollars was the right amount? How do you put a price on things that have no predetermined value? Insurance companies will tell you that everything is worth an exact dollar amount, but I beg to differ, and I believe Salman Rushdie would beg to differ as well.

            In reading Salman Rushdie’s “The Auction Of The Ruby Slippers” we are transported to an auction in which “everything is for sale” (P 98). This is a sad, sad world in the future, described as “The Courtroom Of Demand.” Everyone is in attendance including movie stars, priests, politicians, memorabilia junkies, etc. This is an auction where literally anything is up for grabs, almost like a simplified ebay (or perhaps a more complex ebay as it is an ACTUAL auction).

            Even Weird Al, parodied a Backstreet Boys song to explain his astonishment with Ebay:

%u201C A Used...pink bathrobe

A rare...mint snowglobe

A Smurf...TV tray

I bought on eBay

My house...is filled with this crap

Shows up in bubble wrap

Most every day

What I bought on eBay

Tell me why (I need another pet rock)

Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)

Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupee)

They had it on eBay%u201D

            It becomes almost comical when Rushdie is listing the items that have been recently sold in “The Courtroom Of Demand,” yet at the same time you are somewhat saddened that the narrator doesn’t seem affected by these absurd auctions, and seems to be talking about them almost nonchalantly.

            “The Grand Saleroom of the Auctioneers is the beating heart of the earth. If you stand here for long enough all the wonders of the world will pass by. In the Grand Saleroom, in recent years, we have witnessed the auction of the Taj Mahal, The Statue of Liberty, the Alps, and The Sphinx. We have assisted at the sales of wives, and the purchases of husbands. State secrets have been sold here, openly, to the highest bidder. On one very special occasion, the Auctioneers presided over the sale, to an overheated and inter-denominational bunch of smoldering red demons, of a wide selection of human souls of all classes, ages, races, and creeds” (Pg 98).

            I was only kidding when we sold our souls in 5^th grade. Weird Al, an artist who only writes parodies was obviously kidding when he wrote his song. Now Salman Rushdie delivers us a story in which, EVERYTHING is for sale, you wonder how do we determine value if everything is for sale. Why are the slippers so valuable? Although this is merely fiction, it must be said that the Ruby Slippers WERE auctioned in real life, and fetched a pretty penny…$660,000 to be precise. I wonder if the bidder in the real life auction, was as much of a fanatic as the person bidding in the story?

            “They are bidding for the slippers now. As the price rises, so does my gorge. Panic clutches at me, pulling me down, drowning me. I think of Gale – Sweet coz! – fight back fear, and bid.” (Pg 99).

            The auction doesn’t reach an end in the story; however, I believe it is more about the journey in this particular story. The auction paints a picture of a cheerless world in which explosions are commonplace, and the only happiness is achieved through bidding on items with no tangible value. This is not a world I want to live in, and that is why…We Must Destroy Ebay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!